Hill is Out

For tomorrow's 11 am showdown with the stanky Wolverines, and their multiple first round draft picks (Long and Manningham). This means that Lance Smith (Rance Smith!) and Zach Brown will share carries. Zach had some decent runs against OSU and Lance is quite explosive. However, Zach is averaging less than 4 yards a carry, and neither he nor Lance have shown PJ's ability to pick up tough yards after contact. And since we are not a spread offense, there will likely be plenty of contact from the Michigan defense.

Seriously folks, I don't know how the UW offense will match-up on the Michigan D. I haven't seen Michigan play enough this season, but I do know they have some solid talent, like LB Shawn Crable. I'm worried about stumpy guns, aka Tyler Donovan, turning the ball over when the Badgers are forced to pass, as they probably will be. And I'm worried about the line protecting him (they gave up 10 sacks, not 9, last weekend). I like Beckum, Hubbard and Jefferson, and I like Donovan running more than passing. Seriously, I want more QB runs than passes this game. Historically, Michigan tends to look like a guy with his pants around his ankles who forgot to lock the bathroom door when confronted with a mobile quarterback. That said, they did defense "The Juice is Loose" Williams decently a few weeks ago. But Williams is such a terrible passer, maybe they could just write him off as a threat to throw.

I think the game, unfortunately, will turn on how the Badgers' undermanned defense responds to Michigan's offense. After two fine defensive performances against Northern Illinois and Indiana, they played admirably for about 60% of the game in Columbus, and then totally wore out. And now Chapman and Langford are out. I like Aaron Henry as Langford's replacement, and I like seeing Newkirk back at tackle in place of Chapman. But both absences create further depth problems, or force iffy players into more playing time. I would not be surprised to see Michigan run at whatever defensive end replaces Newkirk, and throw at whichever receiver is covered by the new nickel back. Plus, the lack of depth will only exacerbate the D's lack of stamina. The defense will need to play a great game, and need the offense to control the time of possession, if UW is going to win. And unfortunately, I don't see that. I hope it's not so, but tomorrow could be ugly.

Up, Down, All Around

It's funny how your feelings about your teams' performances relate to your expectations. For example, everyone, including the betting gurus, expected UW's football team to pound UNLV. But they played poorly and barely won, and Badger fans all over the place are upset and disappointed, and may have revised their expectations for the team from here on out. In contrast, last Sunday, the Packers barely won, but no one expected anything from them, so fans generally felt positive about the victory, and maybe their expectations for the team grew a bit. Ah, people are so easily influenced-- myself definitely included.

For example, I'm looking forward to seeing the Badgers play the Citadel this weekend in Madison, but that excitement is mixed with a heavy dose of reservation. And that's completely due to their poor showing in Las Vegas. I wonder--which game showed the real offense? The struggle against UNLV or the aerial show against Wazzu? Was Wazzu's pass defense just really terrible? If they have trouble scoring on UNLV, why wouldn't they have difficultly with, and maybe even lose to, the Citadel? The Citadel has won a bunch of games in a row, and its last loss was to Appalachian State, the depants-er of Michigan. The Citadel also runs a spread option, the same formation that UNLV used to move the ball on UW. So seriously, I'm nervous, as ridiculous as it may sound.

And Hubbard's injury at the hands of that dickhead UNLV player has me even more nervous. Hubbard's a great athlete, an excellent blocker, and a legitimate deep threat. He opened up the passing game tremendously, even if he hadn't caught a ton of balls this season. None of the reserves will be able to make up for his loss, but Xavier Harris, Marcus Randle-El, and Kyle Jefferson will try. Harris is a true sophomore who started out strong in camp last year, caught a few passes in some early games, and then didn't see much action. He runs solid routes, and has excellent hands and good size, but doesn't appear to be the athlete that Hubbard is (to be fair, few are). Randle-El is a quick, shifty redshirt junior with good hands. He lacks size and great speed since his return from an ACL tear last fall. Jefferson is a true freshman who's big and fast, but he's rail thin and obviously green. It'll be interesting to see if any of them step up tomorrow or in the weeks until Hubbard returns.

The running back situation also seems to be in flux. Several articles today stated that true freshman Zach Brown, he of the awesome grille head shot, will get the majority of the back up carries this week, ahead of Lance Smith ("Rance Smith!") and John Clay. In fact, the Capital Times actually said that Clay "looms as a redshirt candidate." Huh. It's understandable that the coaching staff would move Brown ahead of Lance because the Badgers have a bunch of key road games this year (at Penn State, Illinois and Ohio State) that Lance can't play in. It makes more sense for the team to use Brown in games like this one in order to get him acclimated. You have to feel bad for Lance though. He loses the road games, and now he's basically losing the home games as well. Although I wouldn't be surprised if the depth chart at running back remains fluid all season. If Brown is just ok on Saturday, but not great, you'd have to think the coaches would go back to Lance for tough home games like next week's match-up with Iowa. They just want to win. Regardless, it will be neat to see what Brown does on Saturday.

The John Clay thing is interesting as well. Going into last weekend, it sounded like Clay was going to get a serious look at UNLV. Unfortunately, that game turned out to be far tighter than everyone anticipated, and even Brown only saw the field for a few carries. Now, it looks like Clay may not see any action this entire season. Do you think that the reports on Clay's talents were overstated, because if he was that good he'd be playing already? Or is the playbook just that complicated, and he was late coming to camp? Or do UW coaches, seeing that Lance and PJ still have two plus years of eligibility left, just want to maximize his eligibility? Mysterious...

Come Saturday, I'm also looking to see if the offense will receive a boost from the likely return of team captain Andy Crooks, who's been milling about on the sidelines for the past two weeks. Garrett Graham's been taking his snaps, and while Graham is probably more mobile, Crooks is a little craftier, and certainly a more physical blocker. I hope the running game picks up with Crooks sealing the edge a little better.

I also am hopeful that the defense will finally dominate. The expectations for that group were very high coming into the year. The loss of Jamal Cooper hurt, it's true, but he didn't play that much last season either. The D tightened up against Wazzu in the second half, and didn't give up many points to UNLV, considering the time of possession problems, but I'd like to see them creating more havoc. The D has one true turnover this season, Shane Carter's interception against UNLV, and only three sacks, two coming on UNLV's last minute attempt at a touchdown drive, when the Badgers knew they'd be passing. Great defenses dominate physically. I think many of the guys on the Badgers' D are capable of that, so I hope they can finally put together a complete performance.

Really, I'm just looking to enjoy watching a game, hopefully a solid victory. Before, I would have expected it. Now, after the near debacle in Vegas, I'm just hoping it's not too much to ask.

Oh my dear god that was terrible...

Okay, so I guess it could be worse-- the Badgers could have lost rather than squeaked out a last minute 20-13 win. But my goodness that was painful. The offense sparked and sputtered, Paul Hubbard was injured by some douche bag UNLV defender who bent him over backwards away from the ball after the play was basically over, the receivers had multiple drops, Donovan looked off, the line didn't pass block well, PJ got overworked because Lance was at home, the D forced tons of third downs but couldn't get off the field, they ran the ball well for just one possession, the return and coverage units were almost uniformly bad, and DeBauche punted like a high school sophomore.

But to use a stupid cliche, you have to hand it to UNLV, or at least to some of their players. Beau Bell, #2, looks like he's going on to the next level. He was everywhere on defense. Their qb is shifty, and had several nice throws, and UNLV's white wide receiver, #80, ate Allen Langford up. The game also reminded me of how UNLV fans suck. I hate their stupid "Reb-Els" chant, maybe because I was overexposed to it during Wisconsin's early NCAA basketball tournament exit. They don't expect anything out of their teams, but when they're winning they're insufferable, rubbing it in constantly. Apathetic losers, but terrible winners.

Plus, since the stupid contest was on "Versus," which may be the worst cable sports network in history, I ended up watching it in a smoky, sticky and crowded bar that I had forgotten I used to hate. Some sad, homely and obese Irishman kept leaning into me and requesting refills on his 32 ounce Miller Lights, and there were far too many TVs on the LSU beat-down of Virginia Tech, despite the fact that game was completely uncompetitive, leaving me and my uncle to stare in horror at a blinky, dim 23 inch set, as we breathed in secondhand smoke. In all, a terribly grim evening.

The Badgers should fall several spots after this near disaster. Texas and Oklahoma will definitely move ahead, as should California. And it's deserving. In no way, did the Badgers look like the 5th best team in the country tonight. Plus, maybe it's for the best-- a little less attention, a slightly smaller target on their backs, and a little more time to focus on getting better. Maybe at some point later in the season, the Badgers will be a top 5 team. But they sure ain't now.

Remaining Questions

Now that we've all had time to settle down after the football Badger's first game, it's time to discuss some remaining issues.

First, although the Badgers threw all over the Cougs, ("I can't control my heart rate Daddy, I gotta cougar on me!") what are the season-long prospects for Donovan?
I think he passed quite well in some short bursts, but generally his arm strength and accuracy left something to be desired. I'd say he had maybe three ideal passes-- the touchdown bomb to Swan, the first touchdown pass to Swan in the corner, and the scramble first down pass to Xavier Harris. On a bunch of other passes, longer gains were there to be had if he had thrown the ball more quickly or accurately. In fact, it looked like all the incompletions were traceable to him-- because the Badgers had guys open all day, and he was hardly under pressure. Honestly, passing the ball is not going to get any easier this year, and a lot of underthrown balls that were recovered for catches by aware receivers could be interceptions against better teams. Also, maybe Wazzu's linebackers are fast or something, but I expected him be a little more effective on the run. Then Evridge comes on toward the end, and the one throw they let him take (a 20 yard pass to the third tight end, Graham) is a bullet. Hmmm... I think my opinion on Donovan is a push-- we'll see if he gets any more accurate in the remaining pre-Big Ten games. He at least didn't buy into the hype of his "awesome" game, telling Chryst when they pulled him "We left some things out there today" and telling the media "there are still things we can work on." Yes, that's certainly the case.

Second, are the Badger's BCS hopes screwed because of lack of depth on the defensive line? UW had serious trouble stopping the run on Saturday, as the Cougs managed just about five yards a carry. The D stiffened as the game went on, but that development was disconcerting. Then you look at the D-line, and notice that the Badgers basically have a rotation of only three defensive tackles, Nick Hayden, Mike Newkirk, and Jason Chapman, and a rotation of four defensive ends, Shaungisillas, Kurt Ware, redshirt frosh Kirk DeCremer, and the enigmatic Brandon Kelly-- not that great depth to begin with. But since Ware is still gimpy after tearing cartilage in his knee, Newkirk was playing end for a lot of the game. So the lack of depth at end exacerbated the lack of depth at tackle. Now maybe the Badgers linemen getting gassed wasn't the reason Wazzu ran on them. Maybe it was inexperience, or poor positioning, or being rusty after not tackling as much in practice. But the depth problems couldn't have helped. I'm concerned that against real running teams, Wisconsin will get worn out and run over. Here's hoping some of the back-ups, like Richard Garner and Jeff Stehle, develop during the season.

Third, what's going on with the Badgers' running game? They certainly don't seem to be able to consistently move the ball on decent defensive fronts. They couldn't do it against Arkansas, Michigan, and now, couldn't really do it against Wazzu. Maybe the alleged maturity of the returning linemen was overstated. What are the Badgers' chances of beating legit teams if they can't really run the ball? Or are we overreacting? Did the papa of Papa Sal have it right that guys were just missing the holes? Will a healthy Chris Pressley make running against good opponents possible?

Chi-Town Showdown With The Forces of Cultural Insensitivity

So my person, the woman, the older fool, el padre, and Court were in attendance at the Badger's thirteen point victory over Sparty. The game got a bit scary in the second half when Bucky's double digit halftime lead shrunk to a mere five points, largely because we forgot how to score for long stretches. Thankfully, Alando rescued us, hitting four three-pointers in the second half, most coming on possessions where we looked discombobulated and Sparty was threatening. Those were remarkable shots, especially coming from Alando, who until the last month or two (knock on wood) was not hitting treys consistently. They quieted the semi-rowdy Sparty corner of the crowd, let all of us Wisconsin fans take a breath, and let the Wisconsin team, I'd guess, relax.

Due to terrible public transportation/traffic issues (sometimes I hate living in Chicago), the woman and I arrived late for the game, so I can't speak for the whole team's performance. We fouled too much, and turned the ball over unnecessarily at times. The offense was flowing decently in the first half, but then grew stagnant in the second. Stiemsma played pretty good defense, and came close to playing 20 minutes (17) as I had hoped. He got called for at least one very chippy foul. Chappell did not look good on offense, missing both of his contested lay ups without drawing a foul. Pop Hughes and Flowers did a good job on Neitzel, keeping the ball away from him when they could. He scored 10 points, his quietest game against us this season. Mostly, this game was remarkable for its amount of fouls. Sparty's talented freshman, Raymar Morgan, fouled out, as did their ginger big man. Their foul total in the second half must have been something like 16 or 17. I couldn't tell you for sure because the scoreboard stopped counting them at ten. Izzo complained about it, and some guy said in the bathroom after the game "that Tucker gets every call!" But that wasn't the case. Even Alando, who does a good job of not committing fouls, got called for some bumps when Morgan or Gray was trying to post him up. Anyhow, it was nice to win that first game and start looking forward.

And we're now looking forward to Illinois this afternoon. The woman took off last night after the Sconnie game, but the rest of us stayed around to witness a terrible offensive performance by both Indiana and Illinois. Don't believe the coverage in the Chicago papers about how dramatic, etc., the game was. It was awful. Illinois fans were cursing openly at their team, particularly Randle and McBride, for its inability to score. Carter and Pruitt eventually managed to do something for Illinois, but it was ugly throughout. Thankfully for the Fibs, they contested most of Indiana's jump shots and no one got hot for them from outside. Their most successful offensive player shot 40% from the field. So it was clankety, clank, clank from both sides. The offense was so bad, when the game was tied 50-50 with a minute left, I was very confident that it was going to overtime. Then, the two teams combined only scored 4 points for the first four minutes of OT. Just terrible.

I'm a little worried about the game this afternoon because Illinois will have most of the crowd. They should be tired (their game wasn't over until about 10:30), and no Smith or Carlwell hurts their depth. Pruitt is a good low post player-- he hurt us in the game in Champaign, which was quite close until the last minute or so. Stiemsma, Chappell, and Landry will have to play well. Carter is a perfectly adequate wing player, and someone, probably Landry, will have to keep an eye on him. Randle is an excellent defender and is very talented, although he's struggled on offense this season. Like last time, they'll put him on Tucker. I respect Frazier's defense, but I'm not afraid of him on the other end of the floor. McBride can get hot, but has trouble creating his own shots. What I'm really concerned about is Weber. I think he's a fine coach, and his teams always play excellent defense, especially against us We're going to have to work for our offense this afternoon and, even though Illinois' struggles on the other end, stay vigilant on defense.

Spartans, Do Not Prepare For Glory

So tonight, as most prognosticators predicted, Wisconsin will play Sparty, again, for the third time this season. I am sick of close games with these guys. Could we finally play them and not have Neitzel look like a white Glenn Rice, circa 1990? Anyhow, my person, the woman, and that Rooster gentleman who mistook me for Mischa Barton's loosely-testicled boyfriend, will be in attendance. Game starts at 5:40 Central, so set your clocks or something. I don't have much in the way of predictions, except to think that it will be a hard fought, long possession, defensive struggle again. I hope Kam regains his shooting touch, I hope Stiemsma plays more than 20 minutes (if this happens it means he is contributing offensively and staying out of foul trouble and that is a very good indicator of success), and I hope we play Bohannon enough to let him hit a few outside shots and loosen up the Sparty defense. I hope that we strap on a ween, take the ball into the lane and draw some fouls. I also hope that the bye comes into play a bit, and Sparty is a bit fatigued from a closer than expected game with NU. Sad, I know, but I'm dead tired of Sparty giving us tough games, and I'll take whatever advantages I can get.

However, I will admit that I'm especially anxious about this evening's game, given that today is the national release of the movie "300." "300" is a fictionalized rendition of the Battle of Thermopylae, a key fight in one of the Persian Army's various attempts to invade Greece back before the common era. In the film, a group of Spartans (300 of them) are made to look especially bad ass, and the film's been getting a lot of hype, and thus I'm worried about some weird kharmic effect taking place tonight. (Can you see Izzo kicking someone from Indiana into a pit and shouting "This is East Laaaansing!")
The movie is based on Frank Miller's graphic novel, which I conveniently purchased from Borders, read and then returned for a full refund a few weeks ago. While the trailers, and apparently the movie itself, are a sloppy bout of congratulatory fellatio for "Spartans" everywhere, and thus the film will probably serve as a psych up movie for every college and high school team called the Spartans from now until the collapse of modern civilization, it does suffer from some fundamental problems, which we, as fans of a superior education institution, should note, and by noting, hope reverse the kharmic tide. First off, besides the 300 Spartans there were several hundred other Greeks fighting at the Battle of Thermopylae. Just emphasizing the Spartans is lame. Second, what's the deal with people's appearances? I'm pretty sure the Spartans had some torso hair, and those outfits. Well, Turan said it quite well when he noted that the Spartan get up makes "'the fiercest soldiers the world has ever known' look like an especially fit group of Santa Monica lifeguards taking part in the Doo-Dah Parade." Third, the Spartans were an insanely militaristic, fascist, violent, and sexually segregated society. Portraying them as "the world's beacon of freedom" as the film apparently does (the book certainly did) is ridiculous. Athens being a cradle of democracy, yes. But Sparta? Please.

Getting back to reality, if UW wins, we'll probably mill around and watch some of Indiana-Illinois to see who the Badgers will play on Saturday. Thus, if Bucky advances, I will attempt to give you some pearls of wisdom from that game. If UW loses, we'll probably get the hell out of there, and there will be no pearls for you.

Also, I must share with you the following. The best preview of the Big Ten Tournament I've found by far was forwarded to me by the infamous Mr. Bimbo, and shockingly, appears to have been written by an Iowa fan. Regardless, it is hilarious, as it's an analysis of the Big Ten Tournament via Saved By The Bell. Intrigued? You should be. See here.

As far as my hopes for the rest of the conference tournament, I'd like Purdue to make the NCAA tournament, so I hope they beat Iowa (go Marcus's older brother!). And I'm tired of Ohio A&M, so I hope Michigan beats them. I also feel bad for Michigan's seniors after that horrid bout of unclutchness against the Buckears last weekend, blowing a six point lead with three minutes left in terrible fashiong--missing the front end of a one and one, multiple silly turnovers that led to lay ups for Conley, and tripping a dunk that could have tied the game with less than a minute left. Just terrible and sad.

If UW wins, I'm not sure who I'd rather have them play between Indiana and Illinois. Illinois is a fine defensive team, has a great coach, and played us very close. But they have trouble scoring. Indiana is an average defensive team that has shot the three-ball insanely well this season. They have lots of athletic guards, and a good low post player in White. If Illinois beats Indiana, there'll be a whole lot of Fibbing going on at the UC on Saturday. (That's code for "there will be lots of Illinois fans in attendance if they make the semi-finals".) Indiana, not so much. But I think Illinois is the weaker team, missing Carlwell and Smith due to that terrible accident, and we have trouble with good outside shooting teams, like Indiana. Maybe I'll decide on the spur of the moment.

Finally, Arizona lost to Oregon in a very poor performance last night, scoring only 50 points and losing by 19, thus bringing the combined record of the "shants" (short pants) and spandex tops teams to 1-2. Not so hot, although Ohio A&M and Florida have yet to play.

Let us represent this evening.

Skinning the White Weasel

Seriously, no more of Michigan State's Drew Neitzel running around hitting three pointers that touch every part of the rim twice before falling in. I, like most Badger fans I imagine, am pissed. I'm pissed that Sparty pushed us around last time. I'm pissed that Kam missed the front end of that one and one. I'm pissed that Butch had that freakish injury and then started crying on national television. Accordingly, I really want the Badgers to take out the frustration of the last week and a half on Sparty. I am pissed, and I demand a whuppin'.

Since our loss in East Lansing, I've thought it over, and Wisconsin's talent level is better than Michigan State's. They basically have a bunch of relatively athletic but relatively unskilled relatively big guys. Then they have a couple athletic, but not overly scary guards, and then Raymar (also not a real name) Morgan, a raw Shannon Brown-type, and Mr. Eminem wannabe, who's game is basically running hard off of illegal screens and shooting jump shots. Whoopety do. (Did anyone notice how totally standard white-bread his parents were? They were shown in the stands during the last game. Is someone pretending to be "from the streets" or is it just me? Friggin' poseur.)

Anyhow, we're better and it's time to show it. MSU will probably try to do a tight man on man defense, like last time. We have to respond effectively. Drive by it and go to the basket, or look to pass when someone comes to help. Make them foul you. People who aren't Alando seem to be afraid of driving; I'm guessing this is because it increases your chances of turning the ball over (in addition to easing the opposing team's transition to a fast break) and thus Bo likely disapproves of doing so until the shot clock is getting low. But I really think it's the best option when the other team is pressing perimeter players that closely. I also say we switch around Trevon and Flowers on Neitzel, as opposed to just Flowers. He looked a little worn out by the end of the Spaty game. Until Ohio A&M's last play, that combination did a good job of frustrating my pick for Big Ten Freshman of the Year, Mike Conley, Jr., aka mister "I wish I had a pencil-thin mustache." Also, our back court defenders need to accentuate the ever-so-slightly moving screens Sparty runs for Neitzel. Ram them hard. Go sprawling sideways. Wear mouthguards.

And, of course, rebounding. We need to do it, particularly on the defensive end. (Badger frontcourt--put your ass on your man and push him away from the basket.) Also, it would probably help matters if the refs looked over the rulebook before the game and rediscovered the foul called "Over the Back." Hopefully, this time our coaching staff will be able to do some pointed lobbying to this effect without drawing technicals. (Sigh...) Finally, we need to make Sparty pay for sending three or four people after offensive rebounds. Bo prides himself on having his team take high percentage shots. Hey, Bo--close range shots on 3 on 2 breaks ARE high percentage shots. Get the defensive rebound, hurl the ball down court to Kam or Hughes or Bohannon or Alando, and get easy points. It's fun, it's relatively easy-- it can actually be "Showtime" as Magic and Worthy demonstrated. Like those Laker teams, we have a really athletic jumper/finisher who is great on the break in A-Tuck. And for god's sake, pushing a 3 on 2 break is certainly a more efficient means of scoring points than waiting for Sparty to get their defense set.

Also, as I stated in a previous post, I urge someone to take a sign to the game that reads "Marquise is a Delicious Breakfast Juice" on one side, and "Trade in Your Marquise for a Dannon Frusion Smoothie" on the other. Vengeance. Retribution. Deterrence. Rehabilitation. Redemption. Death to Sparty.

He ain't gonna die...

Behold Here Comes the Rooster's thoughts following our loss to O A & A in Colombo:

Even after the loss, Joe Lunardi still has us as a #1 seed. He has both Ohio A & M and us as #1's. We can thank UNC's loss to Maryland and Florida's losing 2 of their last 3 for that. He has UCLA as the overall #1, then O A&M, then us, then UNC, then Florida. Two of Florida's four losses are to teams who he does not project as making the tournament, whereas all four of our losses are to tournament-projected teams.

In Lunardi's projection, the only thing we've lost is having our #1 seed in the Midwest bracket (he places us #1 in the South bracket). In practical terms, that means that we'd play the sweet 16 and final 8 games in San Antonio rather than St. Louis, which might mean that fewer Badger fans make the trip and, thus, that the game would be more of a true neutral site game rather than a quasi-home game. All in all, not too huge a loss.

According to the Journal-Sentinel, Butch himself is not ruling himself out of the MSU game next weekend. Nobody else from the program is saying anything. Wait, that's old info now. Butch is pretty much done. This sucks.

We should give MSU the type of spanking they so richly deserve next weekend. O A & M plays at Ann Arbor next weekend; we can hope they'll crap themselves. Florida has two regular season conference games remaining, at Tennessee (and they crapped themselves) and Kentucky at home. Then, of course, everybody has their conference tournament. Somewhat confusingly, Lunardi says that a presumed third game against us in the Big Ten
tournament will likely determine whether O A & M stays a #1 seed. That suggests that either there is some way that we could meet O A & M in the Big Ten tournament prior to the conference championship game or that Lunardi is forgetting about the NCAA's history of "ignoring" the outcome of that game.

Anway, other than losing two games in a row, a lot broke right for the Badgers this week. Let's hope UNC and Florida keep losing. Also, it is funny that Lunardi has projected Florida to be the #2 seed in UNC's bracket. Ironic that the two teams many consider to be the "most
talented" wind up with the chance to cannibalize one another. And now Florida loses to Tennessee, taking an embarrassing beating on a nationally televised ESPN broadcast.

Why does Florida seem to generate the best taunts from opposing teams? Before the Kentucky game in Lexington, an ESPN camera panned a section of students, one of whom was holding a sign that read: "Tim Hardaway Hates Florida." Inappropriate and funny. During tonight's game, the Tennessee fans chanted "Noah's ugly." Very good. And he is. The two little spats that Noah's had with opposing cheerleaders the past two seaons have, according to him, sprang from the cheerleaders telling him was ugly as he climbed over them and back onto the court after chasing loose balls. The Utah Jazz are good this year, right? Too bad. They already have Carlos Boozer, Scottie Pippen is available, and if the Jazz could just draft Noah they could put a damn fugly team on the floor. I guess like the Elephant Man, Lobster Boy, and the kid from Mask might be uglier, but they aren't real basketball players.

Michigan is looking feisty all of a sudden. Beat the Hizzo tonight in Ann Arbor (who is, need I remind you, a whore, while Madison is beautiful and virtuous). Let us hope they'll be equally full of piss and vinegar for O A & M this weekend.

I think Greg Oden is actually Danny Almonte. If you know what I mean.

Why does the Big 12 have all the guys with cool names this year? Acie Law IV? Cool. JamIson Curry, or however the hell he spells it? Cool. Mario Boggan is pretty cool, too.

Spring training has started. Right? I think. Here's about all we need to talk about it when it comes to the Cubs this year:

Rob (Baltimore): finish this sentence. The Cubs make the playoffs if...

Keith Law: Matt Murton gets 500 plate appearances, Mark Prior makes 25+ starts, and Ryan Dempster is out of the closer job by May 1. That may not even cover it.

Rob (Baltimore): Murton 500 appearances? he's that good?

Keith Law: He gets on base. Almost no other Cub does. If he's not in the lineup and Derrek Lee is hurt or gets a day off, you could shut the Cubs out on 67 pitches.

The thing about the Dumpster is funny. And the point about Murton and OBP has been so glaringly obvious about the Cubs for going on three seasons now...it hurts me.

Bruce Pearl needs to have his ears boxed. His t+a show from a few weeks ago are responsible for Pat Summit singing tonight. Don't do that.