Monday, November 13, 2006

Middle Season Review

The first 9 games of this season have been hilarious. They've made me thankful for last year. Because, since we're nowhere near as bad as we were last year, i don't know if i'd be so ready to accept our record if i hadn't just endured a 4-12 (should've been 3-13 and we'd have Vince Young, i'll never stop hating you sugar bear) season. We should be 6-3. The Losses have been agonizing, while the victories have been convincing. But we absolutely should be 6-3. The Rams and the Bills games were wins. How we blew those games was so comical, that you have to appreciate the entertainment value, or your head will explode.

week 1: Bears Rip our bodies apart. We should've cut Marquand Manuel after the first play. I don't care if Bernard Berrian did turn out to be "good" and the Bears are dominating the "league", STOP HIM, MAKE HIM STOP, PUNCH HIM IN THE THROAT! Just, stop falling down. I live in Chicago. I can't handle that shit.

Week 2: "Hey, since we're up 13-0, I'm gonna go watch the rest of the game at Jesse's house, thanks for breakfast mom". And then i switched TV's. Never switch TV's when we're winning. It's not the nineties anymore. I take full credit. Except for the 2 times Nick Collins fell down. Absolutely terrible. He's having a dissappointing season and I'm saying that based completely on Week 2. He flopped like a homeless person guzzling cough syrup. Twice. He is the reason Marcus Colston is good.

Week 3: Hey... The Lions. Sweet. Favre loves domes now. Kind of an ironic twist on the end of his career but i'll take it. The Lions and Vikings play in domes. And Greg Jennings is a stud. Andy and i threw french fries at each other while he stiff armed "Dre" Bly for 30 yards on route to a 137 yard touchdown. It was great. We almost fumbled it away at the end.

Week 4: Eagles on Monday night. This game made me start screaming at Bear fans at the bar i was in. I think I was telling them that I was, "gonna give all their lakehouses back to the Indians". Why would i say that? It doesn't make sense. I was drunk. What did make sense was cutting Ahmad Carroll. Finally. Thank you, Donovan McNabb.

Week 5: St. Louis. We absolutely should've won this game. Favre and our defense played well, we were in a position to win, and then our weak and inexperienced offensive line crashed the party. Not just allowing Favre to get pressured and stripped, but also embarrassing us when a twitchy, nerve-racked Darren Colledge, shuffled the game losing fumble right into the hands of the closest Ram player. Don't they teach offensive linemen how to recover fumbles? They do. In fact they teach them to jump next to the ball, then grab it. He did neither. He dove on top of it like he was a 300 lbs. house cat with an inflatable ball of yarn; Like it was his diary and the Rams were his pesky older brothers; Like he was mauling a bottle of vodka after ice fishing with his fingers for 10 hours straight. That game was the worst this year. But funny. Hah. Heh. Hmm.

Week 6: Bye week. I used to hate bye weeks. Now i like them. Silver lining?

Week 7: Dolphin fans are the worst. They're always in between dying and coming back to life. So's their team. We stomped them. Joey Harrington is robbing people. The zone blocking thing started to work. Finally we don't have to line up a tight end in the back field to help whichever guard sucks the most.

Week 8: Arizona. We won. I was in California. Zone blocking working. That's all i heard.

Week 9: Buffalo. That was the worst team we'll play all year. Losman completed 8 passes. Favre gave them a touchdown. Jennings got hurt, Driver was still Driver. The game was lost when we drove down to there 2. IT WAS 2nd AND 1 AT THE 2! and Favre throws a slant to Driver that gets tipped up and returned to our 40. they throw a bomb to Lee Evans (good work, Lee), 14 point swing, game over. 2 things.

1- Pass interference on Driver. It was inside 5 yards, but also the ENDZONE. Illegal! call that.

2- Every defensive back they had new it was going to Driver because of the way Favre celebrated the first touchdown, (also a 1 yard slant to Driver). Favre just loves to go back to the well. Fine, we only have one well, just don't point it out everytime he scores.

And could we please run the ball there? 2nd and 1 at the 2. Its better than 1st and goal at the 1.

Week 9: Win @ the Metrodome. Driver. End of story. Vikings suck.

Overall, I like Mike Mcarthy. His demeanor. His schemes seem to be taking shape. I don't know the intriquacies of football strategy, but i can tell he has command of the team. I like that i can see him getting pissed. He doesn't whine, he curses and i guarantee he gets cock-eyed drunk. He's cock-eyed sober. I like it.

I think Ted Thompson has Kept the right young players to build with. Our D-line is playing great. Our linebackers are playing great. Our O-line sucks because they're learning a completely new system and Favre has still only been sacked 10 times. So... We're not that bad. Go team. Please beat the Bears.

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