For the title of this post, I tried to spell out the voice of the obnoxious kid from the Simpsons. It may not be perfect onomatopoeia, but that's all the time I'm giving it. That's because I'm too amused by the Boston Celtics getting crapped on by fate in the NBA draft lottery last night.
The Celts, along with the Grizzlies and the Suns, and to a far lesser extent, the Bucks, were the shaftees last night (that means the recipients of a general shafting by fate). The Blazers and the Sonics were the big winners, coming out with the top two picks in what everyone thinks is a draft that contains two dominant players.
In fact, the two player nature of this draft is why I don't think the Bucks were direct shaftees. That's because if the original, NFL-like order had held the Bucks would have picked third, and there's no clear-cut third best prospect. In fact, there's massive debate about who the best prospects are after Oden and Durant. Maybe it's Mike Conley, the smooth and frighteningly quick point guard who tortured UW last season. (Thank goodness he's leaving!) Maybe it's North Carolina's Brandan Wright, a Marvin Williams clone. Maybe it's the new enormous Chinese import, Yi Jianlian, who apparently has dominated solid college players at pre-draft workouts. The fact that there's such a dispute over who the best players are in the next tier of prospects means that the Bucks didn't lose that much by slipping back from third to sixth. They missed out on Oden and Durant, and that's disappointing, but they weren't the favorites to get either, and they'll have several very good options when they pick sixth. Hopefully, Conley will be there and they'll snatch him. They don't have a stud at point guard, and I think he's going to be pretty special.
What's hilarious about all this to me is the Celtics eating it. The whole hating Boston thing is new to me. I have good friends from the Boston area, and that region does a great job of supporting their pro teams, in stark contrast to the fair-weather fans you find in other major metropolitan areas, like L.A. But they've gotten annoying. The Patriots, under Tom Brady, have been too consistently good. Pat fans have become insanely spoiled, such that they think their management is nearly infallible. And the Randy Moss trade, put that team over the top in terms of obnoxiousness (see the video post of a few weeks back). In terms of baseball, the curse-breaking Red Sox were fun to root for in 2004, but the national media obsession with the team that's followed (Are they on ESPN every damn night?) has gotten tedious. There are other baseball teams out there folks! And if someone like myself, who only sort of follows baseball is irritated by the constant Red Sox fellatio, then I can only imagine how irritated fans of smaller market teams have become.
And then Bill Simmons made me dislike the Celtics. You all probably know who that guy is-- the "Sports Guy" on ESPN's commentary site, Page 2. (How the hell you get yourself labeled the "Sports Guy" when all you write about is the Red Sox, the Patriots and the Celtics is beyond me, but whatever. ) He's also suffered from the Red Sox phenomenon--what was once sympathetic (tortured longing for success) has become tedious and overplayed (e.g., Simmon's unoriginally named book, "Now I Can Die in Peace"). And, to be honest, even before this past year, I already disliked him. His occasional bursts of legitimate humor have always been far outweighed his tedious references to working for the utterly unfunny Jimmy Kimmel, and to his moronically named friends. Then he went and complained about the quality of the donuts in L.A., openly pining for the crap that is Dunkin' Donuts, and truly revealing himself as a parochial jackass. (Simmons, if you ever come across this post, read this, and get a clue--L.A. is the donut and cheeseburger capital of the universe.)
Now in a normal year I could ignore these transgressions, since I didn't care about Boston-area teams, or the Clippers, or whatever else he normally blathers on about. So I'd probably just ignore his columns. But unfortunately, this fall, once it became clear that his Celtics were a sorry team, he started turning an utterly ignorant eye towards college basketball. The idea appears to have been to scout the college ranks for the next hopeful infusion of Celtic talent, since their season was already lost. However, Simmons soon expanded his self-congratulatory column into a regular discussion of college basketball, something I legitimately care about. This led to silly, ignorant comments about how the Big Ten was a terrible league (because it plays at a slower pace), and how the Big 12, featuring his preferred pro prospects Acie Law and Kevin Durant, was so quacktastic (even though it was the weakest big conference by far). Even that sort of nonsense could have been tolerable if it weren't repeated, over and over and over again, every other friggin' day. But it was. Combine that with a certain sense of entitlement Simmons developed towards Kevin Durant (I don't know if he felt he "discovered" Durant or what), and by the end of the basketball season, I really was hoping that the Celtics would eat it in the draft lottery, and lose the chance to draft either of the big two.
And horraay! Eat it they have, in the sense that they've fallen as far as they could, to the the fifth spot overall, after entering with the second worst record in the league. Bwah ha ha! Of course, the Celtics could still find a great player with that selection. And I don't really care if they do--just about the only thing in the NBA that interests me is former UW players doing well. (Incidentally, Alando being projected as a second round pick is worrisome.) But they've missed out on the Big Two, and on Simmons' personally wet dream, that is, Kevin Durant. And for that, I get to laugh.
Update: Simmons' has published a typically self-obsessed recounting of his Tuesday, complete with references to moronically named "friends" (this time its "JackO" and "J-Bug"--apparently all of his friends are extras from the Jackass movies). You can find his wimpy, "why is my team cursed?" lament here.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Where are we now?
The University of Wisconsin football and men's basketball teams are on serious hiatus. (It's nearly summertime!) I'm sure many of the players from both teams are hanging around Madison, so lovely this time of year, strength training, practicing informally, taking a few summer courses, and maybe working at some part-time jobs. That's all fun and interesting stuff that I would love to be able to talk about. But since I'm not a student, don't have access to UW athletic facilities and don't even live in Madison anymore, I will be unable to provide you with information about all these fun topics. So if you're looking for the lowdown on how swol' Jonathon Casillas is getting, or how Michael Flowers shot during a pick-up game at the Shell, you're probably better off trolling the various UW message boards.
It's sad but true--we're in an annual lull period right about now. For college basketball and football fans, it's the time of the season when you can actually do things on the weekends without having to worry about what time the game comes on. I guess we'll have to learn to enjoy our free time. I'm going to use my newly open schedule to be a little more handy around the house, tidy up a bit more, etc. While that may sound like a terrible way to spend extra time, I have a semi-nefarious plan. It all comes back to pleasing the woman. You see, I read about this study finding that women are more likely to be sexually attracted to men who do more chores around the house . . .
Now before you go running off to do the laundry, there is a little bit of action on the Packer front. Specifically, the Packers just finished a "mini-camp"-- three days of no-pads practices that the players are contractually required to attend. Since these are the first full team practices after the draft, you can usually expect some evaluations on the rookies and the other younger players on the team.
Various word is that Will Blackmon, our fourth round pick last season who was sidelined with injuries all last year, looked pretty good. This story, about his attempts to recover from injury and stay healthy, was interesting. (He hired someone called a "soft tissue" specialist.) Our third-round San Jose State derived wideout, James Jones, was also making some plays in practice. Lori Nickel, a writer for the Journal-Sentinel's Packer Insider online magazine, mentioned that Patrick Dendy (our replacement for Carroll at nickel back last season), Justin Harrell (this year's first rounder), and a rookie free agent fullback, Corey White, all stood out. In addition, someone wrote that Jennings looked like his old, pre-high ankle sprain, self.
If folks are in need of some summary type articles dealing with the Packers, the Green Bay Press-Gazette and the State Journal both have decent looks at the entire roster. You can find them here and here.
Though this is a slow period, I'll be occasionally posting-- when I come across things to jabber about. Until then, you stay classy.
It's sad but true--we're in an annual lull period right about now. For college basketball and football fans, it's the time of the season when you can actually do things on the weekends without having to worry about what time the game comes on. I guess we'll have to learn to enjoy our free time. I'm going to use my newly open schedule to be a little more handy around the house, tidy up a bit more, etc. While that may sound like a terrible way to spend extra time, I have a semi-nefarious plan. It all comes back to pleasing the woman. You see, I read about this study finding that women are more likely to be sexually attracted to men who do more chores around the house . . .
Now before you go running off to do the laundry, there is a little bit of action on the Packer front. Specifically, the Packers just finished a "mini-camp"-- three days of no-pads practices that the players are contractually required to attend. Since these are the first full team practices after the draft, you can usually expect some evaluations on the rookies and the other younger players on the team.
Various word is that Will Blackmon, our fourth round pick last season who was sidelined with injuries all last year, looked pretty good. This story, about his attempts to recover from injury and stay healthy, was interesting. (He hired someone called a "soft tissue" specialist.) Our third-round San Jose State derived wideout, James Jones, was also making some plays in practice. Lori Nickel, a writer for the Journal-Sentinel's Packer Insider online magazine, mentioned that Patrick Dendy (our replacement for Carroll at nickel back last season), Justin Harrell (this year's first rounder), and a rookie free agent fullback, Corey White, all stood out. In addition, someone wrote that Jennings looked like his old, pre-high ankle sprain, self.
If folks are in need of some summary type articles dealing with the Packers, the Green Bay Press-Gazette and the State Journal both have decent looks at the entire roster. You can find them here and here.
Though this is a slow period, I'll be occasionally posting-- when I come across things to jabber about. Until then, you stay classy.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
What the?
The Worldwide Leader came out with a post-draft "power ranking" of the NFL. And it put the Packers 24th! Twenty-frickin' fourth? That means we're headlining the bottom quarter of the league. That's absurd. We were 8-8 last year, and we play Tavaris Jackson twice next season. We're in the second year of a new coaching regime, the time when players start to get really comfortable with the coaching staff and what they're doing schematically. Also, we've only lost one starter--dear Greenbo, who, it hurts to say, wasn't the player he was before the injury. Everybody else is back. Plus, so many starters are young (Hawk, Barnett, Poppinga, Jenkins, and Collins on defense; Jennings, Wells, Spitz, College, Morency, and Miree on offense) that you have to expect several of them will significantly improve.
And when you look at some of the teams they put ahead of us, our ranking becomes even more ridiculous. These teams include-- the Cardinals (who were 5-11 last year, added no major free agents, and have a whole new coaching staff), the Bills (who lost McGahee, London Fletcher and Nate Clements), the Falcons (who lost Patrick Kearney and have a whole new coaching staff), and the Titans (who lost both starting wideouts, their starting running back, and Pacman Jones and had a terrible defense last season even with Jones). That's just silly. Where is the love?
Whoever made this list gave it almost no thought whatsoever. It's starting to become apparent that quantity of product, however laughable its quality might be, is what drives things over at ESPN. Maybe I'll have to find a new general sports website to rotely type into my browser when I'm bored.
And when you look at some of the teams they put ahead of us, our ranking becomes even more ridiculous. These teams include-- the Cardinals (who were 5-11 last year, added no major free agents, and have a whole new coaching staff), the Bills (who lost McGahee, London Fletcher and Nate Clements), the Falcons (who lost Patrick Kearney and have a whole new coaching staff), and the Titans (who lost both starting wideouts, their starting running back, and Pacman Jones and had a terrible defense last season even with Jones). That's just silly. Where is the love?
Whoever made this list gave it almost no thought whatsoever. It's starting to become apparent that quantity of product, however laughable its quality might be, is what drives things over at ESPN. Maybe I'll have to find a new general sports website to rotely type into my browser when I'm bored.
EARNING IT
1. brett favre has made brown county and the city/town of green bay hundreds of millions of dollars (not to mention the state of wisconsin). $.
2. "at least moss manned up and asked for a trade"? ok.
brett favre played every game for the last 39 seasons.
i can't really judge his manhood outside of that.
3. although you are right, favre should keep his mouth shut when it comes to other people's money, there is no comparison between him and mike mckenzie. i'm sure he took that into account.
4. as far as earning any right, (and i really have a hard time watching brett sometimes lately) it can be done. he has done it. only 12 teams make the playoffs and 8 of those suck. i'd rather watch favre be awful, than last years cowboys. but if you don't watch football, see #1.
7. favre helped one of the worst rosters in the league go 8-8 last year, and part of his reasoning for getting another reciever was to help work horse donald driver. he needs help helping.
6. great piece, for a lakers fan.
sincerely,
why the fuck did i even read your article
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Friday Night Lights
Although the news has been out for a while, I just discovered that NBC is bringing back the high school football drama Friday Night Lights for a second season. Given its ratings and the network's lengthy equivocation on whether to bring it back despite its critical success (it won a Peabody award), I'm guessing that many of you didn't watch last season. Well, you blew it. Friday Night Lights (FNL) was the best show on television last year.
I admit, that is a highly subjective statement, which I base only on the shows I regularly watch--How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, Heroes, Lost (which has grown tiresome), Entourage, and Gray's Anatomy (slightly embarrassed about this). And I should admit off the bat that I'm a sucker for teen angst. But still, FNL is legitimately a great show. The plot is engaging, the actors are almost uniformly good, the characters are complex--both sympathetic and frustrating-- and the football backdrop gives it constant drama. Plus, there's high school recruiting shenanigans, "quad" rugby, 'roids, cheerleading competitions, bipolar disorder, and several seriously attractive women-- headlined by Adrianne Palicki who plays Tyra, a bright but under-performing reprobate with serious sass. Throughout the first season, the "dirty hot" (in the words of one of my coworkers) Tyra is in something of an ongoing cage match with Lyla, the cheerleader/girlfriend to the star quarterback. Lyla starts off being a high school Stepford Wife, but gradually becomes more real. She's played by the oddly named and very pretty Minka Kelly. (Don't worry--according to IMDB, both actresses are in their twenties.)
If folks want to catch up, I suggest watching this episode (Episode Five) where Tyra allows herself to be romanced by a young businessman from LA, and where Lyla and the quarterback's best friend repeatedly couple. The episode features Applebee's, a quarterback dilemma, and lots of fooling around. Awesome.
For those of you who believe FNL's the TV show is a blasphemous bastardization of the wonderful Buzz Bissinger book, I once shared your concerns. Friday Night Lights is probably the most affecting book I've ever read about sports. It's heartbreaking and fascinating, and what Bissinger did to write it (move his entire family to Odessa, TX) is just remarkable. In fact, I have such respect for Bissinger as a writer that I almost totally ignored his recent Tony LaRussa puff piece. (Come on, Buzz!)
Friday Night Lights, the book, was then adapted into the mostly crap movie, headlined by Antwone Fisher, the star of the Fast and the Furitated: Tokyo Drift, and Billy Bob Thorton as the coach. This was not a strong Billy Bob performance, as those of you who've seen the movie know. Based on his career, I think it's safe to say Billy Bob is at his best when either pretending to be developmentally disabled (Slingblade, A Simple Plan) or rogering the mother from Gilmore Girls (Bad Santa). Anyhow, because the movie was such a stark failure, even though it tried to be faithful to the book, I can understand why fans of the book would be reluctant to start watching the show. That's where I was.
I actually watched some of the first episode and didn't like it that much. But then at some point, I was talked back into it and got hooked. Early on, it becomes clear that the TV show is almost nothing like the book or the movie. The book provides the setting--a good high school football team in a football obsessed town in West Texas--a small portion of the plot--star player gets badly injured--and the basis for a character--specifically, Riggins seems a lot like Don Billingsley. But then the show goes in totally different directions plot-wise. Plus, for those of you who bemoaned how superficial the movie was in comparison to the book, the show solves the problem. Because a full TV season is way longer than a film, you really get to know and appreciate the complexity of the characters, and you can see how time and experience changes them. (You get that kind of extended character development on some HBO shows, like the Sopranos.)
When we get closer to the new TV season, I'll give you advance warning of the first episode so those who might be interested can set their Tivos/Digital Recorders. (I can't encourage people to watch it live since NBC moved it to the basement office of prime time television-- Friday nights at 9 pm; the network must be fine with it continuing to pull iffy ratings.) Until then, try catching up online or through the season one DVD, when it comes out.
I admit, that is a highly subjective statement, which I base only on the shows I regularly watch--How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, Heroes, Lost (which has grown tiresome), Entourage, and Gray's Anatomy (slightly embarrassed about this). And I should admit off the bat that I'm a sucker for teen angst. But still, FNL is legitimately a great show. The plot is engaging, the actors are almost uniformly good, the characters are complex--both sympathetic and frustrating-- and the football backdrop gives it constant drama. Plus, there's high school recruiting shenanigans, "quad" rugby, 'roids, cheerleading competitions, bipolar disorder, and several seriously attractive women-- headlined by Adrianne Palicki who plays Tyra, a bright but under-performing reprobate with serious sass. Throughout the first season, the "dirty hot" (in the words of one of my coworkers) Tyra is in something of an ongoing cage match with Lyla, the cheerleader/girlfriend to the star quarterback. Lyla starts off being a high school Stepford Wife, but gradually becomes more real. She's played by the oddly named and very pretty Minka Kelly. (Don't worry--according to IMDB, both actresses are in their twenties.)
If folks want to catch up, I suggest watching this episode (Episode Five) where Tyra allows herself to be romanced by a young businessman from LA, and where Lyla and the quarterback's best friend repeatedly couple. The episode features Applebee's, a quarterback dilemma, and lots of fooling around. Awesome.
For those of you who believe FNL's the TV show is a blasphemous bastardization of the wonderful Buzz Bissinger book, I once shared your concerns. Friday Night Lights is probably the most affecting book I've ever read about sports. It's heartbreaking and fascinating, and what Bissinger did to write it (move his entire family to Odessa, TX) is just remarkable. In fact, I have such respect for Bissinger as a writer that I almost totally ignored his recent Tony LaRussa puff piece. (Come on, Buzz!)
Friday Night Lights, the book, was then adapted into the mostly crap movie, headlined by Antwone Fisher, the star of the Fast and the Furitated: Tokyo Drift, and Billy Bob Thorton as the coach. This was not a strong Billy Bob performance, as those of you who've seen the movie know. Based on his career, I think it's safe to say Billy Bob is at his best when either pretending to be developmentally disabled (Slingblade, A Simple Plan) or rogering the mother from Gilmore Girls (Bad Santa). Anyhow, because the movie was such a stark failure, even though it tried to be faithful to the book, I can understand why fans of the book would be reluctant to start watching the show. That's where I was.
I actually watched some of the first episode and didn't like it that much. But then at some point, I was talked back into it and got hooked. Early on, it becomes clear that the TV show is almost nothing like the book or the movie. The book provides the setting--a good high school football team in a football obsessed town in West Texas--a small portion of the plot--star player gets badly injured--and the basis for a character--specifically, Riggins seems a lot like Don Billingsley. But then the show goes in totally different directions plot-wise. Plus, for those of you who bemoaned how superficial the movie was in comparison to the book, the show solves the problem. Because a full TV season is way longer than a film, you really get to know and appreciate the complexity of the characters, and you can see how time and experience changes them. (You get that kind of extended character development on some HBO shows, like the Sopranos.)
When we get closer to the new TV season, I'll give you advance warning of the first episode so those who might be interested can set their Tivos/Digital Recorders. (I can't encourage people to watch it live since NBC moved it to the basement office of prime time television-- Friday nights at 9 pm; the network must be fine with it continuing to pull iffy ratings.) Until then, try catching up online or through the season one DVD, when it comes out.
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